#27 The start-up phase. Chronicles of a Founder Dad.
A rare Saturday of normality, a Sunday breakdown in public, and the week that followed.
When I joined Antler, someone told me “this will be the toughest 12 weeks of your life.” And while I get the sentiment and loved the intensity of the build, let’s be honest - going to work and building a startup is an absolute breeze compared to the kind of tough we’re navigating at home.
Welcome to the week that was …..
Saturday was as close to “normal” as we’ve had in a while. I took Beckham and Harper swimming (Harper’s now Level 3 - woohoo - and won’t stop talking to her teacher even while underwater). Allie went for a run, we hit the beach park as a family, and treated the kids to bacon and egg toasties for lunch. I squeezed in a long run - 18K, feeling great. Heart rate low, pace fast… then 6K from home my body realised I hadn’t eaten lunch or had any carbs the night before. I hit the wall and had to walk it in. Still, I didn’t mind the quiet 6K stroll home. Just me and my thoughts. We got the kids down, and Allie and I watched Happy Gilmore 2. It was a good day. Not perfect, but normal. Which is rare. A false sense of security.
Because then came Sunday 🫠 😢 ….
Allie was at uni all day, so I was solo dad. I used to love days like this. Two years ago - Before Indi went a bit sparkly, I’d have thrived. I remember once solo-parenting like a pro while Allie was away in Dubai for a week. Project-managed it to perfection. But now? It’s different.
Indi woke up completely dis-regulated. It’s hard to describe what it feels like when your child is in distress and you’re completely powerless to help. It drains you physically, emotionally, and mentally.
A 2009 study by researchers at the University of Wisconsin-Madison found that mothers of adolescents and adults with autism experience levels of chronic stress comparable to combat soldiers. The study measured biological markers (like cortisol levels) and found that these mothers had blunted cortisol responses, which is a physiological sign of chronic stress.
They also experienced stress-related health problems and had higher rates of fatigue, anxiety, and depression. Their cortisol responses are so shot that their bodies don’t even register stress the same way anymore. It’s not just emotionally draining - it’s biological.
And honestly, I believe it.
Two hours in, I knew we had to get out of the house. I rolled the dice and took the kids to the playground at the farmers market. Bad move. Indi was already in meltdown mode and I was about to have a breakdown of my own. I got all three kids to the play area and just stood there - defeated, crying, totally lost. I kept hoping someone might see me, offer help, anything.
Nothing.
After ten minutes, an older woman came over and gave me a gentle tap on the shoulder. A small gesture, but it meant something. Of course, it also made me feel even more alone. I chose to build this life on the other side of the world from my family, but on days like this, you really feel the distance. My village is nine hours behind and 24 hours flight away.
We made it through. I took them out to the countryside to visit a family friend. Last time Indi loved playing with their dog - it really helped. This time? Irrelevant. In spoon theory terms, she was just completely out of spoons. So I went for last resort mode - put her in the baby carrier (yes, she’s 3.5) and hoped she’d sleep. She did. For an hour, both our bodies got a bit of recovery and my back got a serious workout.
By the time Allie walked in at 4:30pm, she found me lying on Indi’s floor, broken. Indi was staring in the mirror, and I was just done. Allie asked, “What’s wrong?”
All I could say was: “It’s just so fu*king hard.”
She took over. I poured a massive gin, put on a hoodie, and walked the beach until I could breathe again.
And that’s when the reflection hits.
Not only did I have nothing left to give Indi, but Beckham and Harper didn’t get a look in all day. They had a full day with their dad, and I couldn’t show up for them. And the guilt sets in - what’s that doing to them?
Then it shows up later in the week. Beckham starts wearing Indi’s noise-cancelling headphones everywhere. Do they really help him? Or is it just his way of getting attention? He’s so strong during the day, helping Indi, helping his teachers help Indi… but when we get home, he’s got nothing left. He acts out. We respond with love and presence - footy in the driveway, solo bike rides after kinder - and just when you think you’re nailing it, he loses it because he got the wrong cracker, and smacks Allie in frustration.
How do you parent that? With love and patience. Always. But it’s not always enough in the moment.
The rest of the week unfolded in true rollercoaster fashion.
On Wednesday, I was #WFH while Allie was in the city. I did kinder drop-off for B&H, then special school drop-off for Indi. Two hours later, it was time to pick her up and take her to kinder. But she came out in the pram, clearly done for the day. Her educators said she’d had a tough one. I couldn’t send her to kinder - it wouldn’t have been fair on anyone (indi or her teachers). So she came home with me.
To be fair, she did alright. She joined in a few Zoom calls, shredded my to-do list, and passed out on the floor by mid-afternoon. And somehow, I got it all done. When time and focus are such a premium, it’s like my body goes into execution mode - no distractions, just full output.
Then Thursday came and the tide turned. Nursery drop-off at 7am was smooth. Indi walked in, moved her educator’s hand to point at the cereal she wanted, and off we went. Pickup? She’d had a great day. The headphones are helping. The educators are using keyword signs and have made lanyards with visual supports. They are doing such an amazing job for her and she’s thriving with it.
It really is a rollercoaster. And some days (every day, multiple times) you just want to get off for an hour and breathe. But that’s not always an option. So we keep trying to create the possibility of more Saturdays like last weekend, while building the strength to make it through the Sundays and the wisdom to stand in the chaos and still feel grateful for everything we’ve got.
Because the truth is, we are lucky. Very lucky.
Work-wise - we smashed it this week.
Go-to-market validation is starting to crystallise.
Real-life users are helping us iterate quickly.
And yesterday, we mapped out the next big AI layer in the app - it’s going to be a serious value unlock for families.
Also, a shameless plug here for an indi app insta post - our audience has had a bit of a surge recently so wanted to ‘reintroduce myself’. My Gold Coast tan is looking pretty dam good … maybe it’s a sign I should be in QLD more permanently ….
And most importantly… Storm ⚡ beat the Panthers last night in an epic!! The Prem starts this weekend, and for the first time in a long time, there’s a tiny spark of Man Utd optimism. I'll take it.
Lastly - Thank you 💛
Every week I get a totally random message from someone who’s reading this. Old schoolmates, uni friends, people I haven’t spoken to in years. These messages don’t just make my day - they help our whole team stay connected to the ripple effect we’re trying to have.
Have the best weekend.
Love and peace – Orrin xoxo
🐙 indi landing page and insta
📖 check out my book & audiobook - The Book About Money
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🤓 let’s “connect” on Linkedin
Dont let Stefan get sight of that temptation to move to QLD hahaha
Reflecting on the awesome Sunday we had with the fam and hope you know while still 2 hours away there’s an open door, big yard and a dog thinking of your next visit.